Hey, I can actually really relate to you because my husband and I are in a similar situation. First of all, I just want to say everyone is different. With that, everyone feels love differently. Make sure you know HOW your wife feels love because you could be doing things that you think are really nice and are a way that you express love but they may not be how your wife receives love (does that make sense?). I would recommend reading "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman to figure out how you and your wife best feel love. (go to this link to check it out http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/)
Secondly, serving your spouse (in the way they need it) and doing things for completely selfless reasons really do help. This could be anything from leaving her a note around the house or in one of her texts books to let her know you are thinking of her/love her to planning a spontaneous date and surprising her on a free weekend you may have. This could be taking the time to really focus on her when you are with her... and not just that but making a set time in your day that is just for each other to not think or worry about school. You can set aside 10 minutes, an hour, whatever. Just taking the time to devote a specific -- quality-- moment for just each other to strengthen your marriage will help. You have to make the effort though. When people are busy it is hard to find time to set to just focus on the relationship. You have to work for it and make a strong effort to keep it consistent.
Lastly, you could ask her. You can tell her you want to show her how much you love her but it's hard since you guys don't see each other that often, then ask her how she would like to feel more love from you.(which really goes back to the first advice).
My husband and I get into really big fights sometimes and I'm at the point where I am not sure what to do. I need someone to talk to but I don't know who to talk to so I thought I'd comment on here. I think having a stronger relationship with the Lord would help. My husband definitely believes in the gospel and is active but doesn't see the importance of doing things (like reading scriptures and praying) to be closer with Heavenly Father because he's never noticed how that brings him closer to the Lord. I don't know what to do to help us get closer together. I can tell him a million times that I think we need to be better together but it doesn't seem to impact him. Advice, please?
I am so sorry that you are having problems! I first want to start out by saying, I'm so glad you came to us, not because we have all the answers, but because it is so hard to feel all alone when your having a hard time. I have a testimony that Heavenly Father loves you and your husband very much, and He wants your relationship to work and succeed, so much that He will help you. If I were in your situation, I would ask your husband to compromise with you. You can not make him read his scriptures and pray by himself, but you can ask him to have family prayer and scripture study, for a week and see what happens. In your personal prayers, pray and ask for your husbands heart to be softened and feel the change in your relationship. I know that Heavenly Father will do all that he can to help your relationship. I really hope this helps! Let us know if you need anything else!! :)
Thank you for asking us. I am also sorry you are having a difficult time. I have also had times with my husband where it seemed like we could not even be together without arguing about something. I can understand what you are going through and want you to know that YOU are not alone and that hope is not lost.
I want to first, recommend the book that Kaylee recommended for our previous question,"The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman(go to this link to check it out http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/). Particularly chapter 12: Loving the Unlovely. Your case may not be as severe as the one in the chapter but I think what he says can still apply.
The second thing I would suggest comes from my own experience. After my husband and I would have times of much contention (as most couples do, especially newlyweds) I finally realized that the only person I can change or control is MYSELF. I can not force my husband to do anything, in fact even if I strongly suggested he change something about himself (that I felt would help our relationship) in the nicest way possible it seemed to bring on a fight. When I realized this I decided to do as Dr. Chapman says and do what I could do to make my husband feel loved. I would try everyday to think of ways that I could serve him. This can be very difficult to do, especially if you are not feeling so lovey towards your spouse. But if you try to think of things to do to show them love, your angry and hurt will go away and you will be able to accomplish those things. I can tell you from experience that when I consistently think about how I can serve my husband, it changes the attitude in our home and makes it a place where love can reside. For this to work you need to do it without expecting anything in return. You are the only one that you can control, so put your efforts into doing what You can do to help strengthen your marriage. When I serve my husband and he feels love, he then responds in kind. We are able to discuss things more openly and respectfully. Love is contagious, when you serve your spouse in the way that they feel loved, they will likely try to do the same.
I also agree with what Ashley said. Invite your husband to read and pray with you. If he declines, don't nag him. Just continue to do all that you can to keep the commandments and help your husband feel loved. I also share my testimony with Ashley's that Heavenly Father does love you and your husband. He wants your marriage to succeed and He will help you after you have done all that you can do.
Sorry this response was so long but I hope it will help.
My wife and I are always at school and away from each other. How can I show her how much I love her when we hardly have time together?
ReplyDelete(please don't say dishes)
Hey, I can actually really relate to you because my husband and I are in a similar situation. First of all, I just want to say everyone is different. With that, everyone feels love differently. Make sure you know HOW your wife feels love because you could be doing things that you think are really nice and are a way that you express love but they may not be how your wife receives love (does that make sense?). I would recommend reading "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman to figure out how you and your wife best feel love. (go to this link to check it out http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/)
DeleteSecondly, serving your spouse (in the way they need it) and doing things for completely selfless reasons really do help. This could be anything from leaving her a note around the house or in one of her texts books to let her know you are thinking of her/love her to planning a spontaneous date and surprising her on a free weekend you may have. This could be taking the time to really focus on her when you are with her... and not just that but making a set time in your day that is just for each other to not think or worry about school. You can set aside 10 minutes, an hour, whatever. Just taking the time to devote a specific -- quality-- moment for just each other to strengthen your marriage will help. You have to make the effort though. When people are busy it is hard to find time to set to just focus on the relationship. You have to work for it and make a strong effort to keep it consistent.
Lastly, you could ask her. You can tell her you want to show her how much you love her but it's hard since you guys don't see each other that often, then ask her how she would like to feel more love from you.(which really goes back to the first advice).
I hope that helps!
I second the Five Love Languages suggestion. :-)
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I get into really big fights sometimes and I'm at the point where I am not sure what to do. I need someone to talk to but I don't know who to talk to so I thought I'd comment on here. I think having a stronger relationship with the Lord would help. My husband definitely believes in the gospel and is active but doesn't see the importance of doing things (like reading scriptures and praying) to be closer with Heavenly Father because he's never noticed how that brings him closer to the Lord. I don't know what to do to help us get closer together. I can tell him a million times that I think we need to be better together but it doesn't seem to impact him. Advice, please?
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you are having problems! I first want to start out by saying, I'm so glad you came to us, not because we have all the answers, but because it is so hard to feel all alone when your having a hard time. I have a testimony that Heavenly Father loves you and your husband very much, and He wants your relationship to work and succeed, so much that He will help you. If I were in your situation, I would ask your husband to compromise with you. You can not make him read his scriptures and pray by himself, but you can ask him to have family prayer and scripture study, for a week and see what happens. In your personal prayers, pray and ask for your husbands heart to be softened and feel the change in your relationship. I know that Heavenly Father will do all that he can to help your relationship. I really hope this helps! Let us know if you need anything else!! :)
DeleteThank you for asking us. I am also sorry you are having a difficult time. I have also had times with my husband where it seemed like we could not even be together without arguing about something. I can understand what you are going through and want you to know that YOU are not alone and that hope is not lost.
DeleteI want to first, recommend the book that Kaylee recommended for our previous question,"The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman(go to this link to check it out http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/). Particularly chapter 12: Loving the Unlovely. Your case may not be as severe as the one in the chapter but I think what he says can still apply.
The second thing I would suggest comes from my own experience. After my husband and I would have times of much contention (as most couples do, especially newlyweds) I finally realized that the only person I can change or control is MYSELF. I can not force my husband to do anything, in fact even if I strongly suggested he change something about himself (that I felt would help our relationship) in the nicest way possible it seemed to bring on a fight. When I realized this I decided to do as Dr. Chapman says and do what I could do to make my husband feel loved. I would try everyday to think of ways that I could serve him. This can be very difficult to do, especially if you are not feeling so lovey towards your spouse. But if you try to think of things to do to show them love, your angry and hurt will go away and you will be able to accomplish those things. I can tell you from experience that when I consistently think about how I can serve my husband, it changes the attitude in our home and makes it a place where love can reside. For this to work you need to do it without expecting anything in return. You are the only one that you can control, so put your efforts into doing what You can do to help strengthen your marriage. When I serve my husband and he feels love, he then responds in kind. We are able to discuss things more openly and respectfully. Love is contagious, when you serve your spouse in the way that they feel loved, they will likely try to do the same.
I also agree with what Ashley said. Invite your husband to read and pray with you. If he declines, don't nag him. Just continue to do all that you can to keep the commandments and help your husband feel loved. I also share my testimony with Ashley's that Heavenly Father does love you and your husband. He wants your marriage to succeed and He will help you after you have done all that you can do.
Sorry this response was so long but I hope it will help.
Anonymous,
DeleteI am wondering how you and your husband are doing. Did any of our advice help?