Everyone experiences being judged throughout their lives. It first started when we entered middle school and the word "clicks" started becoming important. We were all told that high school would be better, where in most cases anything is better then middle school, but the judging really never stopped. Then we finally made it out and onto college where we are finally okay with ourselves and the people that we have become.
Suddenly the world seems to no longer care what brand of clothing I wear and how good I am at sports. Then in the blink of an eye, it all disappears the first time your little baby cries in public and you can't seem to get them to stop.
I have always felt the need for people to see me and my life as PERFECT. I was pretty good at keeping up the charade until I had kids. As soon as I got home from the hospital with Chad, I was so full of emotions that I didn't know how to handle.
The first time I left my apartment I remember the sudden overwhelming panic attack that I could no longer make my life seem perfect. I now had a little baby who would do and act as he pleased, and I honestly had no idea what I was doing. I felt like EVERYONE was looking at me.
As Chad and I became more comfortable with each other I finally started to feel good going out in public and being the icon for perfection once again. Chad was sleeping through the night, he was talking more than most kids his age, I finally started showering on a daily bases again and life was great. But I was always worried for when the moment came when someone would see something about my life that wasn't perfect.
This got extremely tiring and overwhelming. Even when everything was going great I was so anxious and worried that something would go wrong that I could never really enjoy the things that were going on around me. It wasn't until I made two really good friends that I started to feel okay if someone saw a glimpse of an imperfect aspect of my life.
The first time we went to the park and Chad didn't act as the perfect child that I obviously taught him to be, neither of them judged me. They still wanted to be my friends and still wanted to hang out with me and my imperfect family.
As we became better friends we started sharing our imperfections with each other and my stress levels significantly decreased! I started being able to be with people, other than my family, and not care if they saw my family and me as we truly are!
This brings me to the point of my post. IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE PERFECT. People most likely are watching you. You probably are being judged by the people around you. But its okay. Its okay that I read a comment on a blog last week that someone thinks I'm poisoning my child because I'm giving her formula. Really I feel sad that they obviously have these insecurities that they feel they have to judge me to make themselves feel better.
This life is pretty hard. We all are going to continue to face trials up until we die, lets not make things any harder for ourselves or others by judging or feeling like we have to be perfect. It is okay if your house is bigger then mine. It is okay if your house is cleaner then mine. It is okay if my child throws more fits in public then yours does. It is okay if your clothes are cuter and nicer then mine. It is okay if you are skinner then me. IT IS OKAY!
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